Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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