i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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