Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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