She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize