it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
