i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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