god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
