My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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