I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize