new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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