the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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