What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize