3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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