I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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