Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
