I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
