I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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