I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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