I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
