But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
