his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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