maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
