But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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