i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
