my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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