Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
