I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
