just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
