Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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