I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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