I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize