i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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