well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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