I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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