So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
