Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh god it's open bar.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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