How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
