Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Shame - the story of my life.
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