I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
