That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
