You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
