I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
