Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
