she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
