Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
