Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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