I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
