Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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