The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
