Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
