bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
