they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize