nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
