Your dad touched me again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
