Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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