Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i now understand why vodka
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
