Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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