well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize