Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
