apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
