You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
