I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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