It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
