He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
