I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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