Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I smell like Dick and happiness
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize