would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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