I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
