M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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