That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
