You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
