Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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