Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
