He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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