I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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