i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
