I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
