the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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